Blog-o-matic

Random Lines From Life

2010-04-29T09:56:00.002-04:00

KG: I'm no Neo, there is in fact a spoon there.

W: She has to stay home & gaurd the house while her parents go get the Virgin Mary...

SBe: Relax it's just fiction.
SF: It just fucking happened!

KG: Who told you that? Buddha? That guy's a lying sack of crap.

SO: I've never had sex in a milk freezer though ... it just didn't feel right.

SF: You're the sticky type of sentimental....

KG: A-B conversation, man.

SF: I'll C my way out of it then.

KG: Bitch
VC: Hoe
KG: Cunt
VC: Slut
KG: Whore
VC: Herpe
KG: What!?
VC: You are a Herpe
KG: Gonorrhea
VC: Syphilis
KG: AIDS ... I win! You can't beat AIDS!

This post is incomplete, & may be forever, as I will continue to add to it when the people in my life say more funny things.

2008-12-01T21:27:00.000-05:00

"Me? I don't care too much about the looks. I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. I want someone who sometimes makes me go ouch due to their wit and evil sense of humor. I want someone that I can reach out and touch randomly. I want someone I can cuddle with. I decided this all means that I am sapiosexual."

Rediculous

2008-09-27T15:36:00.001-04:00

I remember when I was little I was absolutely fearless, I’d do anything, talk to anybody, damn the consequences I was gonna do what the fuck I felt like doing. What happened to that girl? Where’d she go? Sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye, in the reflection of my glasses, standing in the doorway of a closet in my mind screaming her head off at me, “Just do it, stupid-head!” But there’s always someone bigger there to step in front of her & say, “Don’t listen to her. She’s just gonna get you hurt. What if something bad happens?” I often wish there was someone else in there, someone that would hand little me a blunt object so she could beat the bigger one about the head, tell it to shut the hell up, & go on running my brain with an iron fist & a frilly dress.

Who the hell is that bigger kid, bully bastard in my head anyway? Sometimes I think it’s my mom, sometimes my dad, but most of the time I think it’s just all the millions of fears I’ve accumulated over the years manifesting themselves into one gigantic world-phobia, plotting to slowly gain more & more fears until that’s all I am, just a big ball of fear, curled up in a ball in my closet refusing to ever leave for fear of, well, fear.

If anyone’s actually reading this you’re probably either thinking I’m completely insane, or dumb as a mountain of shit. Well, I assure you I am quite possibly both, or neither, but slowly driving myself insane from the sheer fact that I can’t stop thinking. You’re thinking, “If you know what’s wrong with you, & what’s causing it, why don’t you just fix it, dipshit?” or maybe that’s just what I’m thinking.

I wish I knew how to fix it. I wish I could just push a button in my brain, & knock out all my fears, or at least my most inhibiting ones. Fear of rejection, that’s my worst one, a lot of my problems stem from that, & my stupid need to be accepted despite proclaiming to not care what others think of me.

Honestly, how many people who say they don’t care what other people think, really don’t care? Not many at all. I believe there are a few, those amazing few people that honestly couldn’t care about anyone’s opinion of themselves but their own, those few people who are happy, because they are beyond the judgement of the rest of the world. The few that know that the reason people judge other people is just to make themselves feel better, because they’re afraid of how other people are judging them, they see that awful vicious cycle that the rest of us have buried ourselves so deep into that we don’t even know what light looks like anymore, let alone are we able to see a tiny sliver of it to find our way out. & why is it that while I'm one who recognizes this, I'm not one who is above it?

I have gotten better about my meak-ness in the past year, I can talk to total strangers with quite a bit more ease, though not if it’s an important stranger, like say, a potential employer, in that case I clam-up all over again & destroy any chances of getting that job because they think that’s how I’ll be with customers as well. I can openly discuss things I never could before (sex, emotions, dreams, the kind you have at night, as well as those for the future, thoughts I’m not sure others would understand because I’m not even sure I understand them myself), but only with certain people, people that I’m absolutely positive either won’t reject me & my thoughts, or if they do it won’t hurt as badly as if it were someone else.

I suppose there's progress being made, perhaps I only need to be pushed off the edge of change to really finish the job. The problem is, I obviously can't be the one doing the pushing. Somebody's gonna have to sneak up behind me & just shove me. Odd, a question I keep asking myself, why is it that I have so much trouble talking to people, actually verbalizing my thoughts & letting people hear them, but I have no problem sitting here & typing them out for anyone in the world to see? & as I was typing the question, my answer became clear, because my thought process is so long & convaluted, very few people will read this, so I've gotten everything off my chest, & told the world, but the world wasn't really listening, so I don't have to worry about their rejection.

Heart Stutter

2008-01-11T09:18:00.000-05:00

Her eyes search the ground nervously for something to focus on as her sneakered feet kick at the dirt & her hands move restlessly bundled in the buttom of her wrinkled shirt, & she chews on her bottom lip while she tries to remember how to articulate things other people seems to find so easy to just blurt out.

Yeah, That’s Great, But Where’s My Femur?

2008-01-08T14:34:00.001-05:00

A comic:

& a link:

Possibility Girl - The story of my life, written by a boy...

Real post later...

Just Like in That Movie...

2008-01-07T10:09:00.000-05:00

Bring your pen, bring your heart
Take my hand,
I've got my camera, & we've got endless options,
We're going on an adventure.

We'll dress like bums & see who gives us change,
Use it all on coffee & cigarettes,
& make up lives for the world around us,
While we sit at a little table & pretend to be moody & pretentious.

We can dress up all sophisticated & visit art galleries,
& make up lives for ourselves,
Where we can be rich & buy one painting from every room,
While we pretend to be snooty art critics that call everyone else pretentious.

We'll disguise ourselves as hippies, & go frolicking though a meadow,
& watch how all our lives are nothing but beauty,
While we pretend to be kids & dance in the rain, we don't even know the meaning of pretentious.

We can wear nothing but pajamas, & lay around my room,
& dream of lives we've led before,
& muse about the lives in fiction that we love,
While we pretend we have no problems & we would never dream of being pretentious.

& I'll capture it all through a lens,
& you capture it all in ink,
& tomorrow we'll wake, & be ourselves once again,

& I'll make you breakfast,
& you'll nurse your coffee,
& we'll smile slyly at each other over our night of other lives,
& off to work we'll go, with no one any the wiser.

Brought to You by the Letter "E"

2008-01-06T14:55:00.000-05:00

“It looks really cool until it fades though, almost like a scar.”

She spoke as a dreamer does, believing that scars are what life is made of, while knowing her body didn’t hold nearly as many as it should to prover her theory, but fearing a time when it may.

She lived her life through books & song lyrics & the parts of movies that haunt you forever. She became the people she watched & read & sang along in the car about, a small childish part of her hoping this would be the only way she’d ever endure life.

But life was coming at at her with ever increasing speed & a bigger part of her sensed that soon her innocence would be lost like so many memories of her childhood already were & she would have to grow up & really face the cold hearted truths of the world without a first person narrative assuring her that in the end all would be happily ever after.

It was times like these, when she wandered into these thoughts, that she longed most for days when Kermit the Frog was her best friend & everyone she knew believed, as she still did, that someday they really would find the rainbow connection.

I've Yet to Catch the Title Words...

2007-12-28T16:55:00.000-05:00

Stroke. Dot. Pause. Think. Stare. Off. Into space. Words float through the air & they all hover & wait for the ones they want to appear. When they catch sight of them, they glide towards them with their large butterfly nets & scoop them up. Some only grab at the words nearest to them, but others spend hours soaring after the perfect turn of phrase. There's a black-drop, star-soaked sky, projecting home movies from their pasts for inspiration all around. So as you see a mother get smacked or a puppy run over, words float in front. Perhaps, "tragic," perhaps, "traumatizing," perhaps, "funny," because imagination can be an uncaring bitch sometimes too. & The writers are there, picking & choosing their words as they are splattered in front of their lives, carrying them along over their shoulders until they feel they've collected enough & they settle back into their seats & begin everything again. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Dot. Dot. Stroke. Pause. Think. Stare...

I am...

2007-12-25T14:38:00.000-05:00

"...because the only ones for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing..." - Jack Kerouac

I am empty fields of grass & abandoned parking lots. I am full moon drum circles & lying in my driveway watching the stars. I am playing the cloud game in the middle of the afternoon. I am people watching & thinking too much. I am raw cookie dough & black zebra pens. I am dry lightening storms at two am. I am phone calls that last all night & arguing for fun. I am checkerboards & swirly things floating on notebook paper. I am holding hands & hugs for no reason that last for days. I am great movie quotes & amazing song lyrics that define your life. I am black & white photography & VW buses. I am abandonment issues & insecurity. I am the awesomeness of the first time you win something out of a claw machine after wasting eight bucks. I am the ocean as a storm rolls in & the taste of salt on skin. I am surprise cheek kisses that keep you grinning for a week. I am tousled hair & wrinkled shirts. I am playing catch at midnight in the middle of the street. I am old-fashioned lampposts & the sound of reflectors when you run them over. I am ridiculous short films & watching cars fly past on the highway. I am sitting in a broken down car for hours with nothing to do but talk. I am fear & rejection & sarcasm. I am a car full of people singing at the top of their lungs with no musical accompaniment. I am empty new notebooks & secret languages. I am impromptu kickball games & inside jokes. I am playing kick the can when you’re trapped at the drive-in cause the car won’t start. I am late night conversations on the backs of cars & comedic rants about nothing at all. I am open mic nights & bad karaoke. I am bopping people with twizzlers at the movies & forcing people to eat candy corn pumpkins. I am trivia games & wandering through museums. I am chain smoking & chugging Mountain Dews. I am late night text messages for no reason whatsoever. I am midnight “Happy Birthday”s & fake pouts with puppy dog eyes to get what you want out of someone. I am bad dancing & watermelon Jack Daniels. I am Care Bears piggy banks with only one eye. I am picture collages & door murals. I am temporary tattoos made permanent on dressers. I am 80s anything & Led Zeppelin sweaters. I am Dave Matthews Band & playing hacky sack in the middle of the mall. I am thrift stores & school day picnics. I am the beach before sunrise & cold nights during summer. I am dancing in the rain & imitating bad kung fu movies. I am sweaty palms & awkward first kisses. I am hand written letters from friends you see everyday. I am staying up all night to finish a book you just can’t put down. I am motorcycle jackets & marker boards with messages of love. I am bathroom comic strips & movie marathons. I am arguments over artistic interpretations & tattoos with actual meaning. I am bad bowling & luck driven pool shots. I am high top converse & rolled up jeans. I am rhetorical questions answered with smart-ass remarks. I am the song you’ve been dying to hear coming on the radio out of nowhere. I am sleepless nights & walking down the center of the road with cars coming towards me because I need to feel invincible. I am longing looks & empty experiences. I am dancing like an idiot in the front row of a show with all your friends. I am walking around aimlessly downtown & conversations on dockside benches with your best friend. I am singing fountains & Wal-Mart at three am. I am performing musicals in the middle of Denny’s with everyone staring at you. I am awesome belt buckles & old time hats. I am trivia parties & geeky conversations. I am handmade custom bead bracelets from friends. I am tickle fights & carpet wrestling. I am math jokes & comparing people to letters of the alphabet. I am competitions over who can come up with the most obscure pop-culture reference. I am poems about other poems & dancing on rooftops. I am fragment & run-on sentences with all the wrong punctuation. I am spending the night in a costume shop with your best friend rearranging the whole place. I am home videos filled with incredible randomness & renaissance festivals. I am too much coffee & rolling down hills. I am hanging out on golf courses & sharing cloves with friends. I am driving aimlessly around the city with your friends cause none of you want to go home.